What’s in a name, Prepford?

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I finally caved and bought the rights to Prepfordwife.com (it’s how you got here today unless you followed the link in the bio). My social media presence has been Prepford Wife every since my husband thought up the puny little name six years ago for my tumblr account. We were engaged at the time and eventually would marry and so why not incorporate that name into my account early.

With a simple click and a complicated password and, eventually the purchased of my domain name (two days ago! Woohoo!), I was easily Prepford Wife. In my real life? Not so simple. I have been married over three years as of last fall and still wrestle with the concept of changing my last name.

I love my husband and I love his name but I just can’t seem to shake the feeling that it’s a problem to change it. While I am of the “feminist, hear me roar persuasions” it has less to do with the idea of ownership, since my current last name belongs to my father and my new last would belong to my husband (honestly down with the patriarchy. I belong to no one). But also to do with emotional labor as it pertains to women, why should I have to do all the work on the name front? Why are women responsible for sitting in the social security office and changing their names.  I didn’t marry myself, I feel like my husband should have to do some of the work as well.

But it also has to do with the importance of names and naming in my life. I am someone who remembers everyone’s name, first and last, if you tell it to me. I remember instagram handles and their spelling.  I will remember your name if we have only met once ten years ago. I have names picked out for children I may never have based on meanings because I think what you name someone is important and determines a lot of their path in this world. My name is Victoria and my husband’s name is Marcus and together our names mean “Victorious” “Warrior”. Yikes. That’s a recipe for intense arguments if I’ve ever seen one.

But I digress, when you first meet someone, even if they are insignificant in your life and you may only see them once, all you have of them is their name. We place a lot of emphasis on them from how people of color with unique names are judged in interviews to how trendy moms keep  changing the spelling of “Aiden”, all you know about this person is their name. It’s their entire being. That’s a concept that’s so important to me and I carry it with me. And I feel the same about myself.

All I am is this person that I was for the first twenty four years of my life and because I married a man who is apart of my life, but not a part of me, I should change this very defining characteristic about me. I just have a very hard time wrapping my mind around the concept. And I love him and I want us to share a name and be a family. One unit. But he is not the one who will have to change his very being to make it happen. He is not the one who has considered changing his very being to make it happen (because tradition? idk). Are we not partners in this thing called life?

I am not sure that I ever reached a conclusion about what to do but for now, the PrepFord Wife is still just the PrepMaiden Wife. In real life I’ll continue to use my maiden name and on the internets and in monograms, Happy Wife Life. Until checks start rolling in with Ford then I might consider. LOL.

Tell me, what did you do? What do you plan to do? Do you even take stock in names meaning things?

XOXO PrepFord Wife Sorta

10 thoughts on “What’s in a name, Prepford?

  1. RobinVC says:

    I waited so long to change my last name. Part of me felt like I was losing my identity a little bit, and then part of me hated all the hoops you have to jump through to do so. I always roll my eyes big time at girls who change their last name on FB the day they get married.

    I think it’s good to keep your maiden name legally and use Ford for your blog because it keeps a little anonymity on the internet. I use “Van Crabb”, and really it’s just a combination of my maiden name and now married last name.

    Love the blog name and congrats on the new domain!

    Like

    • prepfordwife says:

      That’s so good to know. I may eventually change it if I stop feeling lazy and in crisis. I’m so impressed by those girls who change it on facebook since that has obviously been a shortcoming of mine.

      Anonymity is probably a really smart reason to leave it alone. Especially since my professional life is tied to my maiden name. Good on you! That’s a really good solution in case I ever cave.

      Thank you!!!!

      Like

  2. Danielle says:

    This is really interesting! I decided to have 2 last names after marriage because I wanted to retain the integrity of my maiden name while also incorporating my new name. I have been married for 4 months (so not long) and while adding his name was weird at first it is now my new “normal”. Professionally, I use both last names. Casually, I usually just use his.

    I definitely thought about this name stuff a lot when we were engaged. I think it just depends on the person and couple what the right choice is. It was also surprisingly easy to legally change (in Tennessee). I did my SSN and DL in 1 day.

    Like

    • prepfordwife says:

      That’s a really interesting take and good for you for actually doing it during a reasonable time period. That’s a weight you won’t have to think about any longer. I’m dreading it like a test because I hate all things “legal” I don’t even like dealing with the DMV online. How cool to go with both last names. Did you hyphenate? Does it turn into a lot of writing? I think that’s a beautiful way to approach it without all the self inflicted angst.

      Like

  3. Aitza B says:

    Starters, yay for finally getting your domain. I don’t know why I’m so thrilled about this but I am!

    Secondly, I feel you on the name thing. My long form birth certificate has Reynolds but my other documents have my current last name, because my parents changed it to my biodad’s when I was young. I always go back and forth about hyphenating it for sentimental reasons, because Reynolds last name would end with me. I even get my monograms ABR instead of ABB. But there’s too much paperwork involved and for people born in Florida, there’s an extra step post 9/11. Plus I love my last name privilege. I like standing in the front of lines. lol

    All that said, unless I marry someone with a latin based surname, I’m not taking my nonexistent future husband’s last name. Everything does not go with Aitza. Plus if I do get this PhD, whatever name I have is the name I keep. Like words, names mean things and we carry them with us.

    Like

    • prepfordwife says:

      Oh wow that’s a different take as well. I would never have even though I’d changing the last name of a kiddo. I can think of some names that would absolutely make Aitza complex. Yeah I feel like if you get married post professional acclaim, you just keep your name and call it a day. Or pull a Cher and just go with one.

      Like

    • prepfordwife says:

      Hahahahaha yay for you. That’s such an easy name to marry into so I totally get it. I’ve seen this tradition but I have a middle name and I really dig it and don’t really wanna lose it.

      Like

  4. Love Kings says:

    My husband and I had this same debate. I eventually just made my maiden name my middle name instead of hyphenating it. Love your blog and congratulations on your domain! I recently purchased one for our new relationship blog too so I understand the excitement!

    Like

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