As you know by now, I had to take a little break from social media. I’m not one of those people who is obsessed or anything. I wasn’t on twitter every moment of the day. I wasn’t consumed with the fierce need to pin on pinterest while on the toilet. I didn’t check facebook every ten minutes while allegedly studying for a test. But what I did was much worst. I internalized things that I saw and read on social media.
Thanks to my parents. I have a healthy self-esteem. They made sure that all of my needs were met as a child. Not just physically but also emotionally, spiritually and mentally. They made sure that I was confident in my own skin, endorsing the concept that my black is beautiful, my mind is sharp and my value is not in my looks.
So imagine my surprise, when I began to feel bad about myself while engaging in a social network. People in my life were graduating, getting new jobs, spouses and having kids and I felt like I was stuck in metaphorical limbo. I felt like my life was never as exciting as the lives of people on social media. I didn’t plan enough for my dinner like pinterest, I didn’t take filtered photos like instagram. I didn’t wear beautiful outfits like tumblr. I didn’t document life milestones like colleagues on facebook. All this left me with was a feeling of not being good enough. I am not enough for social media.
The moment I thought that thought, I realized, I needed to step back and reevaluate my priorities, especially since my life is in fact moving forward. I have gotten multiple jobs and degrees in the last two years. I am engaged but not married (entirely by choice). I have an excellent wardrobe. And I am child free, thank you Jesus (a kid would put a cramp in my irresponsible spending habits).
I spent a lot of time worrying about appearances which is not usually like me. I decided to take action. With a semester off of social media. During this time, I have centered myself and found peace, clarity and focus. Without the constant bombardment of sad news stories, life highlights, buzz feed articles and birthday comments, I have really been able to decide who I am outside of the influence of http://www.insert website title here.com. Now that I am back, I feel better able to prioritize. Now I spend less time online surfing just because I’m bored. I don’t feel pressured to stay online and continue a conversation with anyone into the wee hours of the morning and I don’t end up stressed during midterms and finals because of other people’s anxiety. I feel like I am closer to being the quiet spirit that I used to be and the woman that God wants me to be.