So it has been a month of Sundays since I have blogged but it’s getting into the home stretch of the semester and all I seem to do lately is complain. Let me first qualify that statement by saying, I enjoy complaining. There is almost nothing I enjoy more. It gets whatever I am feeling off my chest, out of my system and from my mind. Because I complain about something does not mean that I do not enjoy it. The things I complain about the most are usually the things I adore most. Here are the things that I spend the most time complaining about that have actually enriched my life and blessed me endlessly. These are the things that make me the woman that I am and will hopefully continue to make me a better woman on into the future (from least importance in my life to greatest importance).
From my fifth graders who shout an answer in class when I’m not talking to them to my CUFS kids who won’t participate. From my Bio Lab students who drink the TAE buffer to the art students who get paint on each others contacts,there is nothing I complain about more than my students. They have a knack for testing my tongue and my Christianity all at one time. It is my students who take my Thursday from a day with only three hours of classes to a days with 12 hours of classes with no breaks. It is my students who am responsible for me being forced to spend three hours with Tylkanator (my boss) on Monday. It is also my students though who encourage me in my other classes and make me feel honored that they fight over who my favorite student is. It is my students who come to me and tell me that I really helped them to grasp a concept and tell me that I have officially made their last class on Friday, the whole reason that they start their week. I have almost been reduced to tears by the generosity of my students compliments and giving nature.
School makes me want to choke myself some days. Its difficult, long and arduous. I am never sure if I will be able to finish it. It seems like everytime I get a handle on my school it gets a handle on me. School is not only something I work hard for, but I pay a lot of money to work for. Once I get all of the complaining out though, school has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I have grown so much from being in school. I have gotten the chance to meet so many new people that I never would have met and had so many experiences that I never would have lived. I am thankful to God for stretching me and allowing me to make it through each and every year.
These people have definitely topped me in the complaining department. Every time I look up someone is in need of something. In a residence hall of 144 and only one me (as well as 3 other RAs) there is not enough me to go around. Every day there is a new problem needing to be addressed and sometimes I start to feel overwhelmed. They come to me with their large problems, they come to me with their small problems, they come to me with their tall problems (Dr. Seuss book anyone?). I spend a lot of my day problem solving strictly in the name of my residents. Even with all of that, I love them. When I first took on a job as an RA, I thought “How would I want my child to be treated if I dropped them off in Harnett County away from everything that they have ever known and without a parental figure and familial figure?” So I make the attempt to meet that charge. I want to be the older sister that they can come to when they have boy trouble, an amazing grade or a new dress but I also want to be that authoritarian who is willing to stand up for them when they are not so keen on doing it themselves. And they allow me that role and more in their lives and I thank them for it. I love them for trusting me so completely and having faith that I will not only do my job as its assigned but also trusting me to be apart of their lives. They trust me with their feelings, their fears, their accomplishments and their friendship. I love that they are able to build those friendships with me. It takes a great deal of faith in someone to form a relationship of any kind and so I am so thankful for them just being a blessing in my life.
My little sisters-
Since freshman year of college, I have had two little sister. Shananigans is my biological sister. She, like me, came from the womb of the woman who irritates me so much some days I wont even bother to complain about her. But my sister without a doubt in on the top five list of people and things that get on my nerves. She is pig headed and short sighted. Once she has an idea in her head, she is positive that she and she alone is right. No one can tell her anything and she is certain that her intuition is more correct than the cold hard fact that I lay in front of her face. She is so darn sure that she knows everything and like everyone else in the world, she believes that her problems outweigh everyone elses. But my sister is the original love of my life. She has been one of my very best friends from the moment my parents made me her keeper. It gives me joy and such a happiness to know that I had a hand in raising her. Watching her grow up into a beautiful, caring young woman has been such a blessing. I can not believe that 17 years ago when I prayed for a sister that God would bless my life with the girl who would grow up to be the feisty know it all who makes me laugh and smile and want to kick her. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do for my sister even with her skewed perspective on a lot of life, I support her and even if I have a life of my own, there is always a place for her in it. She makes my life worth living and the blood that runs through our veins couldn’t make us any thicker.
Newer to my family is my sister Dizzle. She is actually the fiance’s little sister but because she has no older sister of her own, I am more than happy to fill in the role until death do us all part. She is for a lack of better words, much like Shananigans and a lot like her older brother, pig headed and a know it all with a hot temper. Like many girls who are 16 years old, she seems to think that she has the world all figured out but none of this stops me from loving her like I would if she came out of the same womb as me. Dizzle is the little sister that I didn’t even know that I prayed for. She is kind and loving and was willing to accept me into her life with no fear that I was going to take her brother away. We laugh and we have a fantastic time together but she doesn’t hesitate to call me if she just needs to talk about something serious. I am flattered and honored that she thinks its okay that I would like to share her last name. My little sisters work my nerves and I spend a lot of time complaining about them but I get no greater joy than knowing that they are in my life.
Let’s be clear, Marcus works my nerves and when people coo at our relationship, it makes me want to pull my hair out but there is no one in the universe who makes me smile through my tears, frown in thought and snore straight through a thunderstorm. My fiance is my best friend and my confidant and when my true family makes me want to grate my teeth and is totally undeserving of my love, he selflessly lends me his to pick me up when I am down and send me on my way. He gives me a sense of peace when my world is in a disarray and challenges me everyday to be a better and harder worker citizen, wife and christian. I complain about his perceived laziness and nonchalance but it is that yin to my yang that makes our relationship flow so easily. I whine about how he never makes me dinner but God knows I don’t want him in “my” kitchen and he knows that I don’t want him in my kitchen.